They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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