It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
