Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
