My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It all started with a game of naked twister.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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