My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
