angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
