Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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