So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
