Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
