idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
