my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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