On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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