You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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