i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
