when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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