you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
