I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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