I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
