fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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