I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
