she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
