i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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