I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
