he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
