i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
