if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
