she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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