goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize