Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
