u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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