So drunk its hurt
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
she was so not down for the gang bang
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
