Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
