he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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