Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
