I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
wow bdsm is so cute
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
