I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
its liver damage thursday
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
