I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
