you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
