I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
