My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
50% drunk capacity currently
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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