You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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