Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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