I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
