Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
