we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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