That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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