literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
