using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
smell my finger.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
