The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize