I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
