Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
