You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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