took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
