Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
