If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
