Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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