The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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