Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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