What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
