Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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