mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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