I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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