i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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