The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
well you can't waste a boner
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
