GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
