I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
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As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
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I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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