my mouth tastes like poor choices
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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