id be glad to
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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