and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
