girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
