did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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