were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
