So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
