Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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