If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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