That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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