Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
