who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
