that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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