i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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