So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
