I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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