im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
